3 steps to handle “Oh shit!” moments

E77: When your expertise fails you, here’s how to embrace not knowing and find equanimity

You know that feeling when you're on an old-school rollercoaster and it's clanking  towards the top of the first big dip like a badly oiled angle-grinder, and as you crest the top your stomach departs your body and it feels like you're about to die, but all you can do is hang on?

I had one of those "Oh shit!" moments last week.

"Oh shit!", "Oh shit!", "Oh shit!", I said to myself over and over again.

Only I wasn't on a fairground ride, I was in the middle of coaching a client.

My client was going through a tough period at work. His company was being taken over. Everything was in flux, everyone was on edge. The pressure cooker of stress and "what's next?" was rising.  

The only certainty was uncertainty.

I was suddenly at a loss for how to help my client. My stomach had departed from my body and I was in freefall.

More than once I recall thinking, "I'm a shit coach", which sometimes gave way to "How am I going to rescue this?"

I was somewhere on this “Oh shit!” spectrum of the Dunning-Kruger effect. That describes the cognitive bias that people with low ability at a task have in overestimating their ability, and conversely, people with high ability at a task have in underestimating their ability.

Not knowing

When our expertise is our work, it’s easy to believe we must have all the answers.

I remember lawyers who used to say to me "If you don't know, it's ok to say so". But the ones who actually said that to a client in real life - when they didn’t actually know - were few and far between. 

I mean, logically, it makes sense to admit you don't know something. But it feels impossible when you've trained for years, clients are paying you for your knowledge and skill, to utter a feeble "I don't know".

But even if your heart and brain have enough courage to utter those words, you can still be left with that feeling of freefall from the top of that rollercoaster ride.

Embracing not knowing

As I sat across from my client feeling my internal pressure cooker getting hotter, I had snapped out of being present. And the lack of presence had paralysed me.

But at one point, I noticed my energy had shifted. I was no longer grasping for an answer, or thinking I was a shit coach, but instead, I allowed the answers to come to me. 

And they did come. 

So this week, I wanted to share with you the three steps I took to go from “Oh shit!” to embracing not knowing and finding equanimity. 

I often use the word equanimity to describe that state we can experience like a swan: paddling powerfully in a way that looks effortless. A fellow coach summed equanimity up like this: 

Calm in the not knowing + Curiosity in the not knowing

Here are the three steps!

Step 1: Eat Real Food

Eating real food creates a foundation for a well-regulated nervous system and good mood, thinking without brain fog and energy levels that sustain under stress.

It’s what enables me to unlock steps 2 and 3 much more easily.

And, no, I didn’t pause the coaching session to have a bite to eat! Cultivating a regular practice of eating real food before these rollercoaster moments arise is key.

Read more about the 4 principles for eating real food to support your brain health and cognition👇

 

Step 2: Notice the rollercoaster ride and breathe

The objective here is to create a little bit of space for yourself. 

Noticing the rollercoaster ride you’re on is key. 

In my case, it was noticing the mixtape in my mind playing the “Oh shit!” greatest hits. 

That was my signal to breathe. 

When you breathe, breathing into your belly, rather than your chest activates your parasympathetic nervous system, bringing you a few notches down from an activated, hyper-aroused state.

There are other ways to get out of an activated state, like 4-7-8 breathing, or Name, Tame and Reframe, but those are likely not suited to the middle of a coaching session or a meeting!

Step 3: Stay present with your body and trust it

As an expert, this is probably the hardest one to crack in the moment: being present with your body and trusting it.

It’s so easy for our clever brains to take over and try to control a situation, to come up with an answer, to grasp at the solution.

But that grasping creates more pressure, more stress, and more demands that whisk us back into that activated, hyper-aroused state at the top of the rollercoaster ride.

How can we stay present with our body?

We can do that by noticing what’s going on inside of us. For example, following the breath as it drops down into our belly, and tracking the sensation as it drops further down, deeper into our belly, and deeper and deeper.

I’ve practised noticing this “dropping down” so many times that I can drop into a state of presence almost instantaneously no matter what the circumstances. What I find harder - and focus my practice on more - is noticing the rollercoaster ride is happening in the first place.

Trusting your body

When the presence in you emerges, your brain can then do its job. 

It WILL remember all those years of training. 

It WILL provide you with the answer, the next step, the solution.

Your Eureka moments will come. But only if you’re relaxed. The part of the brain that is responsible for them - the Default Mode Network - only works when we are in a relaxed, state focusing on something entirely different That’s why we have our best ideas when we’re in the shower, or on a hike, or (for me) meditating.

Trust your body, and your brain will reward you.

As one of my writing friends, Jeff Giesea, helped me realise, the "trust myself” version of "Oh shit!" is embracing the rollercoaster ride with the presence of “Fuck Yeah!”.

👉 Over to you!

How do you handle your own “Oh shit!” moments? 

What strategies do you use to shift your state, stay present, and tap back into your expertise?

ps If you’re an entrepreneur, a lawyer or another high-flying professional - who’s looking to connect with your optimal health and experience life that feels effortless, get in touch and let’s have a conversation.

That’s it for this week!

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To your health and success!

Eric