Always confident with clients—but doubt yourself privately?
E117: Why “I can’t” plays on repeat—and how to change the track
Not once when I was at Linklaters did I hear someone say “I can’t.”
Yet privately, that’s exactly what many of us were feeling.
Ever found yourself always confident with clients—but doubting yourself privately?
Maybe I didn’t hear it because of bravado.
Maybe colleagues feared being found out as less knowledgeable than they appeared.
I didn’t admit that “I can’t” because I’d spent 22 years in an education system that prioritised having the right answer.
When “I can” was the only option
When a senior partner asked you to join a meeting the next day with a new client and casually said, “By the way, it’s an asset deal,” and the singular thought coursing through your mind—and body—was, “I’ve never done an asset deal. Ever,” no one interrupted to say, “I can’t.”
Instead, the print room would dutifully produce and bind an A5 copy (double‑sided, of course) of the “asset sale agreement” precedent—about 150 pages. They would also print the drafting notes, even longer than the agreement itself—another few hundred pages.
Some 450 pages thudded onto your desk.
Turning up to the meeting the next day after squeezing that knowledge into every grey brain cell made the meeting a little easier.
During the dot‑com boom the senior partner might phone ten minutes beforehand:
“I can’t make the meeting—another deal just landed.”
So off you go as “the expert” from Linklaters, feeling anything but.
You had to say to yourself, “I can.”
But outside that high‑pressure environment, things can look very different.
The hidden soundtrack of “I can’t”
Isn’t it remarkable, then, that in the “real” world we hear “I can’t” all the time?
Like:
“I’m not sure if I can.”
“I probably won’t be able to.”
“I’ll just sit this one out.”
Even when you’re doing something that enhances your skills and capacity at work, you might still catch yourself saying to a colleague:
“I went to that conference and really wanted to speak to the keynote speaker, but bottled it.”
“I can chat to someone I’m sitting next to at dinner all evening—even if I haven’t met them before—but I just can’t go up to someone at a conference and introduce myself.”
“I won’t get partnership if I don’t get this one partner on side. He holds all the cards and I don’t think I can make it work.”
It’s the same old LP spinning on repeat—we haven’t yet lifted the needle and chosen a new track worth hearing.
Let’s assume for a moment—bear with me—that the person saying these statements is genuinely being modest.
There’s no deliberate underplaying of their actual capabilities.
This isn’t one of those colleagues who says they can’t, but everyone, including them, knows darn well they can.
Back at Linklaters, part of the reason we said “I can” was because we didn’t have time to entertain any other option. We ran at top speed off the gangplank and dived straight into the water.
In truth, we had no choice but to think, “I can.”
We picked up that LP and played that track.
Now, imagine turning the tables.
Imagine if in the middle of a meeting, your client turned to you and said,
"So, I don't think we can set up in Mongolia"
Do you say, "Ah, ok!".
No, we question.
We think about the possibility of "what if?"
We entertain the idea of "Let's see if we can".
So why don’t we question ourselves when we play the “I can’t!” LP?
The answer doesn’t really matter.
The real question is: which LP do you want to play?
Lift the needle—choose a new track
Next time you catch yourself saying “I can’t,” pause—lift the needle—and decide whether it’s time for a different track.
What’s one small action that would feel like dropping the needle on a new track?
And maybe—just maybe—that new track is titled “What if I can?”—and it’s been waiting in your stack all along.
PS: If you’re a lawyer on the brink of partnership and catch yourself replaying “I can’t” on a loop, let’s talk. I won’t hand you another checklist. I’ll create the space for you to hear what matters and pick the track that moves you forward. That’s where leadership that feels effortless begins.
👉 Over to you
What’s one thing you’ve recently told yourself “I can’t”—where lifting the needle to “What if I can?” might change what plays next?
I’d love to hear which track you’re ready to play.
That’s it for this week!
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To your health, joy, and success—one step at a time!
Eric
I definitely can, Rick! 😉
There's no connection I thought about with this photo. I really liked the cheekiness of my look. You've highlighted something I hadn't spotted which is the energy - the "I can" energy.
I'm am pretty high on courage, so will always head straight into a challenge. These were ultra intense challenges and quite exhilarating in their own way.
I love this thinking Eric. Knowing when to say "I can" and also recognize the moments when honestly, with a full body alignment say "I can't just yet" because I truly need that space to learn something. What was really helpful to me here is the reframe on Mongolia - What if we can? What is needed? What are we missing? What can move us forward? Who do I need to make this happen? In my experience leading under high pressure turnaround, it's important to set a clear vision, align on expertise and get a team moving with all of their capabilties to drive forward... and trusting them, handing accountability and cheering them on! Thank you for sparking curiosity always!