Effortless Thursdays #3: Avoiding flare ups around your Yuletide log
Give yourself permission
Greetings from the Fairfield Horseshoe in the Lake District.
So, will it be a log for Yuletide that you're gathering around? Or perhaps you'll be glued to your wide screen TV that's streaming the latest Box Set?
I've been catching up on the gripping first two series of Sally Wainwright’s northern noir, Happy Valley, before series three starts in January. I binge-watched 12 hours in three sittings.
I digress.
Gathering together with family and friends at this time of the year can be fraught with just-in-time travel schedules that leave you hoping that your guardian transport angel is looking over you favourably.
Sometimes, perhaps with a small dose of honesty, we know we just want to stay at home and relax to catch our breath after another busy year. Perhaps it’s just something introverts like me prefer?
It's easy for tempers to flare when you're spending time in close quarters with loved ones. The scourge of familiarity seems to override all of your initial attempts to:
"be nice", or
"avoid talking about that", or
"do things differently this time".
And yet flare ups are common at this time of year. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not immune to the guilt that floods my nervous system after my temper gets the better of me. Particularly with my loving mum, whose selflessness knows no bounds.
To help bring some festive cheerfulness, peace and foster goodwill amongst all gatherings this holiday, I invite you to try two practices to avoid any scenes being recreated in your home that look like the Red Wedding scene from the Game of Thrones.
How to remain calm when someone is pressing your buttons
Some of you will have heard me share this technique before, but clients, friends and family keep reminding me about how useful this is to take the heat out when your emotions bubble over.
It's a quick, 3-stage approach where you "Name-Tame-Reframe". I wrote in for those annoying colleagues at work, but the technique applies to other human beings too 😉.
Let me know if you find it useful over the next couple of weeks.
Give yourself permission
Permission has come up in many of my recent conversations with the entrepreneurs and professionals I coach.
This was one of the lightbulb moments a client experienced as we were talking about permission:
"I did not give myself permission to do anything other than work".
Does that sound familiar? In you? Or someone you know?
If you turn for a moment to your own situation, what are you holding on to that you need to let go of? Even in a small way.
Is it something you really care about, like pursuing excellence or being proud, but it's also causing you feel overwhelmed?
Maybe you're prioritising work and it's squashing your ability to focus on your health in the way you want, and it's leaving you frustrated, and feeling more lethargic and lack lustre?
It’s easy to say what we want, and for our thoughts, behaviours and feelings to be misaligned with that.
What's wonderful about giving yourself permission is that it's so liberating as it avoids the pitfalls of creating change by way of avoidance.
"I'll stop being impatient", or
"I'll have less sugar"
I think permission can be critical, too, when it comes to how you look after your health.
Here’s why I think permission is a key piece of the puzzle to create the change you want.
Over to you
Over the festive period, what can you give yourself permission to do, act or feel?
What I’m thinking about
I love this quote from the poet and author, David Whyte. Many people think coaching is just about asking great questions. That’s a part of it, because if you’ve ever been coached by someone who asks too many questions, it can feel like you’re under interrogation.
Yet, here is one of the reasons why questions are so powerful:
"The ability to ask beautiful questions, often in very un-beautiful moments, is one of the great disciplines of a human life. And a beautiful question starts to shape your identity as much by asking it, as it does by having it answered. You just have to keep asking. And before you know it, you will find yourself actually shaping a different life, meeting different people, finding conversations that are leading you in those directions that you wouldn't even have seen before.”
That’s it for this week!
As always, I appreciate your feedback on Effortless Thursdays.
What did you think of this week’s edition? How can I make it more useful to you? Let me know in the comments, by email, on Twitter or on LinkedIn.
To your health and success,
Eric
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