Effortless Thursdays #37: How to bring joy into your life

Lessons from when you're most challenged in life

My home grown tomatoes - a moment of harvesting joy

I was 7 years old and my dad had taken me to see Return of the Jedi, I think. 

I say I think because I remember being quite bored.

If you're a Star Wars fan, I imagine you'll be falling off your chair to hear of this sacrilege. Yet I spent many moments of that film turning my gaze away from the screen and looking back - craning my neck up - at the projector at the back of the cinema.

The whirring away of the flickering images as they emerged from that bright nebula disc. The dancing of the specks of dust that darted across the beam of light, playing with the brimming light sabres and X-fighters projecting onto the big screen.

The truth is that I was fascinated by the source of all the on-screen sorcery. 

How did a beam of light from a small, noisy device transfix all the other cinema-goers whose eyes were glued to the big screen at the front?

As we meander through each day, it's easy to lose connection with what brings us joy when the obligations and commitments in our lives squeeze it out. 

I see it in the professionals and creative entrepreneurs I coach: 

They're agonising about going for a big promotion because they're not sure if they have what it takes.

They say they reach the end of the day feeling frazzled with no time for their loved ones, let alone for themselves.

One client was consumed with the dilemmas of selling the business they had built for over 30 years. Should they sell? What about earn-out provisions? What if it's not financially beneficial?

Another was so focused on "their career" that much else, including joy and their mental wellbeing, was lost in the mix.

Over time, if we’re not paying attention, we lose connection with our sources of joy, and we can miss out on what’s important deep in our hearts.

Discovering joyful moments

Last week, I ran the first of a series of Healing Circle sessions.

One by one, each person shared with the group their experiences. 

What took my breath away during the session was the atmosphere of hope this group of individuals cultivated, especially as they were meeting for the first time.

After the session I shared a short video note with them and what stood out for me: their indefatigable drive that shone a spotlight on the joy in their lives.

What was on display was FULL of their gratitude, their smiles, their hope, and their positivity.

What else do you do when you are at a point in your life forced into a big transition that challenges who and what you are?

These individuals were at various stages of brain, colon and breast cancer. Some had progressed to stage 4 and had recovered and been in full remission for many years. For others, the cancer had come back. One individual joined the Healing Circle on their way to a chemotherapy session at the hospital.

Yes, there was discussion about what was wrong or challenging: 

the worry

the tiredness

the strong desire to look after others rather than themselves

the ticking of time.

But it wasn't the sole focus. There was time and space to pay attention to what was going well: the gratitude, the hope and the positivity.

To reclaim the moments of joy in their lives.

It was a deeply enriching experience. For those of you who are interested, I've shared a bit more about the Healing Circle at the end.

Choosing joy

We all have a choice about where we place our attention.

In the cinema, I let my curiosity and love for learning focus on the projector rather than what everyone was raving about on the big screen, or the amused protests by my dad that the action was in front of me, not behind.

One of the lawyers who participated in my programme for Effortless Leadership earlier this year overcame self-doubt and ended up applying for a big job promotion. They realised they were ready because they were able to shine a spotlight on their own strengths and values that had already won over colleagues many times over. It brought them joy.

Even in what seems to be our darkest moments, we can choose to focus on what brings us joy. When one of the Healing Circle participants was told by her oncologist consultant that she had X years to live, and could expect life to be terrible, she changed to an oncologist who was focused more on healing than death. She's been in remission from stage 4 brain cancer since then.

There will always be moments of inevitable shit and strife. We don't need to try to squash or ignore them. But we can choose to refocus and reclaim the things that bring us joy. In that way, they can crowd out a little bit more of the things that don't.

Over to you!

What are the things that bring you joy? 

The big things?

The little things?

Like seeing your mum smile. Or feeling in flow when you're preparing to have a difficult conversation with a disruptive team member. 

Or perhaps, like me, the joy I get from helping lawyers, entrepreneurs, and people living with cancer reclaim the joy in how they show up in the world so that the time, effort and heart they put in feels worth it.

Where do you discover moments of joy?

ps If you’re an entrepreneur, a lawyer or another high-flying professional and want to see how joy can transform your productivity, your impact and the kind of leader you’re known for, get in touch and let’s have a conversation.

The Healing Circle

Over the past couple of years, I've wanted to create communities of impactful transformation.

That’s why earlier in the year, I brought together a group of lawyers for my inaugural Effortless Leadership for Lawyers programme: to focus on one of the three pillars of Effortless Leadership: reclaiming the joy for what you do.

The higher we reach in organisations, the more lonely our existence can feel. Coming together with shared values and purpose affords a rare opportunity for high-flying leaders to pause, think and re-focus on where they can make the biggest impact. And as I’ve seen in my clients, that often aligns with where joy lies for them.

This month, I set up The Healing Circle, which brings together people living with cancer who want time out of their busy lives to pause, think and re-focus on themselves and their healing. And - you might not be surprised to hear - reclaiming their joy.

The Healing Circle is a collaboration with a brilliant Functional Medicine practitioner, Gillian Bertram, who brings an integrative approach to cancer. She was diagnosed with anaplastic astrocytoma, an aggressive form of brain cancer in 2015. She's been in remission since.

You can find out more about what Gillian does here.

That’s it for this week!

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To your health and success!

Eric