It must be hard having a perfectionist brain
E41: The antidote for perfectionists like me
I used to work on a lot of M&A transactions when I was a full-time lawyer. They gave me a thrill. From setting up joint ventures for telecom companies across Europe in the nascent days of the mobile internet (and also unwinding it all a few years later!). To helping the biggest banks in the world secure options to protect their investments in China when future laws on foreign ownership changed.
Almost everything I worked on made the headlines of the broadsheet newspapers. It was fascinating being on the inside and noticing how some headlines were spot on, while many others bore little resemblance to what was really going on.
I was a deal junkie.
But one with a perfectionist streak. And it's a streak that I still grapple with day to day.
Everything I do has to be just right. It's a single-mindedness that I can get easily lost in, and others around me can get frustrated by.
Perhaps the biggest challenge for us perfectionists isn't what goes right, but the downstream consequences of that.
None of the transactions I worked on fell apart because I wasn't working hard enough, or the rest of the team wasn't doing their bit. In fact, one of the greatest pleasures of working in these high-pressure environments was working with people who were brilliant at bringing intellect, humour and fun.
What usually goes wrong is "the rest of it". The downstream consequences of that single-minded focus, say, for getting a deal done in “just the right way”.
Your brain's remote control buttons
Your brain is like a remote control. There are lots of buttons you can press. Some change the channel. Some vary the volume. They all do different things.
Have you noticed, though, how our perfectionist brains seem to press the same button over and over again, whilst ignoring the other buttons?
Those buttons - the ones with symbols we can't decipher or colours that are not "the red button" - are easy to avoid - even if they’re right in front of us.
It's comforting to keep pressing the same buttons we're familiar with. But what if those other buttons represent other things that are important to us: our health, our strengths, our values, our priorities outside of work?
Sometimes, you might be pressing the same button, but not getting the result you want, and so you throw the remote control to the other side of the room in a fit of rage.
There's a special button for perfectionists
I want to share with you one button on your remote control that you might not have noticed.
It's not an obvious one, but it's perfect for perfectionists like us.
Think of it as a master control button that overrides everything else.
In fact, it's hidden under that sliding panel that reveals a whole range of other buttons.
What is this button labelled?
Permission.
Give yourself permission
If you find yourself in a perfectionist zone, press the permission button.
Tell yourself:
“I give myself permission to focus on what I need this morning, rather than helping everyone else”
"I give myself permission to take a five-minute break and walk outside"
"I give myself permission to find the joy in what I’m working on right now, even though it’s already 9 pm”
"I give myself permission to ask a colleague / family member if they can help me"
If you find the idea of giving yourself permission difficult because you're - well - a perfectionist, try asking someone else to give you permission instead.
Over to you!
I’m going to suggest something a bit unusual to help you overcome your perfectionism.
Take a remote control with you to where you need to press the permission button. Yes, don’t just think about pressing it. Actually press it - in real life - on your remote control.
Even better, give your remote to a colleague or a family member and ask them to press the permission button at the designated moment eg at 5 pm or when they notice you are not giving yourself permission.
Let me know what you notice!
ps If you’re an entrepreneur, a lawyer or another high-flying professional and want to build a healthy brain for a career that’s full of success, joy and feels effortless, get in touch and let’s have a conversation.
That’s it for this week!
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To your health and success!
Eric
I’m sending this to the perfectionists in my life!! Thank you so much for writing this Eric!
Simple. Like the best ideas in life! Brilliant post, Eric!
And I +1 this comment: one of the greatest pleasures of working in these high-pressure environments was working with people who were brilliant at bringing intellect, humour and fun.