Effortless Thursdays #45: The goal is always right in front of us

Slow down to savour what's important

Playa Bolnuevo, España

"I'll be taking the secrets of Diana and Robert to my grave."

Meet Kevin. He was sat next to me in seat 1A on my flight back from Spain earlier today. 

As I walked on board, I clocked him as a passenger who had a cheeky look on his face. It was like seeing a three-year-old who had just devoured an ice cream and was trying to hide the evidence that was smeared all over his hands and face.

I always used to fear getting on planes and sitting next to someone who didn't know when not to talk. I'm usually quite gregarious, but on planes, I like my solitude.

And today, I was planning to use the flight to write today's newsletter. Only Kevin turned out to be one of those neighbours on a flight who couldn’t not talk!

There was zero silence with Kevin.

Kevin talked. And talked. And talked. 

He spoke of his love of boxing, of raising horses, of the people in the military he's been friends with for years. Many had taught him everything he had learned, including discipline. Most were now dead.

I was trying to gauge this charming, garrulous individual, but his armour was bulletproof. 

As a coach, I like to ask questions that make people think. My record for the longest silence that followed a particularly thought-provoking question I had asked a client was just under two minutes.

Despite my best attempts at revelation-inducing questions, this 68-year-old remained an enigma. The scintillas of the colourful patchwork of his history he shared with me - sailing in Antigua, camaraderie with his MI5 friends, missing a trip to the White House to celebrate someone's retirement - was unlike anything I had experienced.

There was something effortlessly captivating about him. For a moment, I thought he might be making it all up!

It's right in front of you. Always.

Kevin was really kind. He asked from time to time whether he could offer his help to my dad, who was sitting across the aisle at 1D.

"Would your dad like my chocolate mousse?", he said. 

"Do you need a hand helping him to the bathroom?", he asked a couple of times.

My dad never turns down a sweet treat and gladly accepted the offer. Despite knowing that sugars are not good for optimal brain health, particularly for someone like my dad who lives with Parkinson's disease, it was a gesture that brought a smile to my dad’s face and was a small blip in an otherwise optimal diet.

Kevin's dad had suffered from Parkinson's, too. He had died with it.

I could see how much Kevin cared not just about what he said, but what he did, too.

And then he said something that was like a bolt of lightning.

"Enjoy your dad while you have him. You’ll only have one."

I'm welling up right now recalling the way he said it. It brought tears to his eyes as he did.

There I was, frustrated my newsletter was stuck, unwritten on my half-open laptop. My mind was thinking about when I could grab a chance to write another sentence.

But as I sit here at home editing the final version, it was all irrelevant.

What I realised was that what was most important was right in front of me.

Kevin had generously gifted me a reminder of how distracted we can get in our wandering thoughts, so much so that we lose sight of what's important.

Instead we:

strive for more

reach for higher achievements

argue for silly reasons

ruminate about "what if ..." scenarios

apply for the next promotion

search for the next [chose your "better" thing].

Sometimes it is simply enough just to be in the present moment, and take that moment in the midst of our endless mental ebb and flow to savour what is right in front of us.

And as for Diana and Robert? Well, the secrets are going to Kevin's grave. I couldn't eke out of him what he knew about the deaths of Princess Diana or Robert Maxwell. I'm sure they would have been juicy!

Or maybe, he did tell me?

It didn't matter, though. Kevin had given me something much more valuable, instead. 

Being present with my dad.

ps If you’re an entrepreneur, a lawyer or another high-flying professional and want someone to help you connect your ideas in creative ways so you can build a healthy brain for a career that’s full of success and joy and feels effortless, get in touch and let’s have a conversation.

Over to you!

What are you rushing around for that's stopping you from seeing what's right in front of you that's important?

What can you be present for right now?

That’s it for this week!

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To your health and success!

Eric