Effortless Thursdays #46: My entire career has been defined by stress and anxiety
7 tips to cultivate an abundance mindset
This is what a high-flying lawyer I know who leads a high-performing team said to me earlier this year. 👇
“My entire career has been defined by stress and anxiety.”
It seems like a common formula: career success always comes with lots of personal downsides.
I remember wondering at the time what the root cause was for this remark.
And also thinking, it doesn’t have to be like this.
Today, there are the distant rumbles far away of troubles in the world brewing. Referenda and elections from Australia to the US to the UK are exposing deep fault lines between one side and the extreme other.
Those distant rumbles translate into problems closer to home, kick-starting the hamster wheel of our ruminating minds.
What do you notice about your own thoughts right now? Do you ...
wonder if it will affect the economy or your job?
feel more acutely a responsibility for delivering results
care as a leader (perhaps too much) and so prioritise your team's needs over your own
It's no wonder we feel stressed and anxious
The problem with these external stressors is that they can rapidly be internalised into anxiety, worry or worse.
And when we face feelings of uncertainty and worry, we end up in a world of scarcity.
We experience the thought traps commonplace among high-achievers, like:
finding it difficult to ask for help, even though we know every other leader is going through a similar experience.
not wanting to admit failure or acknowledge our weaknesses
feeling we're not doing enough
forgetting about our past track record of success
All of this thinking and thinking can take its toll. As this lawyer acknowledged readily: anxiety and stress affect our health and wellbeing.
So what can we do about it?
Well, what if, instead of a world of scarcity, we were able to direct our attention to abundance instead?
Cultivating your own abundance
If someone had said to me a few years ago that I just have to "cultivate a mindset of abundance" I would have had a blank look on my face.
That face would have conveyed an unsubtle message of frustration and impatience, too.
"I don't have time for bloody abundance"
What I've shared below are tips and disciplines to help you turn towards your anxiety. It's natural to want to turn away from our anxiety, or to ignore it. But by turning towards it, you too can operate from a place abundance.
You’ll notice it in the relationships with your team, your loved ones at home and, most importantly, the relationship with yourself.
1. Name Your Mindset
When we call out what we notice in our body (our emotions and what we are feeling) it calms down our amygdala, the part of our brain responsible for responding to danger and stress.
Try naming it quietly (or silently) to yourself: "Frustration, frustration, frustration" or "Anger, anger, anger".
Notice I'm not using any pronouns, like "I'm frustrated".
Keep referring to what you're feeling like an objective bystander.
2. Recognise your human limitations
Give yourself permission to be human!
In a time of economic uncertainty and the laser focus of organisations on "psychological safety", it can be tempting to create a "safe space" for your colleagues and your team.
But as one of my fellow coaches realised the other day, creating a safe space is impossible. As coaches - and as leaders team - we don't have control over the spaces we offer.
That’s not to suggest that we don’t try. But we should do what we are able to, and let the rest emerge itself.
3. Breathe
When we're stressed or anxious - and even when we're looking at our screens - we can forget to breathe. So ...
Place one hand on your belly, and the other on your breastbone.
Take 3 deep breaths, ensuring only the hand on your belly is rising and falling.
In this way, you're activating the vagus nerve in a way that tells your nervous system to rest, relax and digest.
4. Coach yourself
Ask yourself, "How is your stress and anxiety serving you?"
If you're really smart, you might be tempted to reply with a flippant answer:
"It's propelling me to higher and higher success".
That might have an element of truth, but I invite you to stay with the question for a moment longer and see what else comes up.
What else?
And what else?
For example, you might say to yourself that the stress and anxiety is ok. It'll only last for a month because it's a very busy time of the year.
But perhaps your stress and anxiety have some other more serious consequences, like people leaving, or the negative impact on your health, or your relationships at home?
5. Have a lazy day (or a lazy five minutes)
I’ve written before about the fallacy of a lack of time. Instead of time, often what we need is permission to take the time, no matter how short.
Give yourself permission to have a lazy day, or five minutes to do something that makes you happy.
Giving yourself permission might even stop you from almost dying.
6. Create "enough" goals
If you're always moving your own goalposts and not satisfied with what you have achieved, try creating an 'enough goal'. It's a goal that's characterised by a set length of time or content.
For example:
"I'll work on this presentation for 30 mins and that'll be enough"
"I'll address the three points that I know my client will really value, and leave the rest out"
7. Eat real food
If you're like most people, you'll try - or be curious about trying - all the tips and disciplines I've shared above. But you might have more resistance or doubt about this one. One of the reasons why it's so difficult is that it seems such an impossible outcome for something so banal.
But without a doubt, this one is my "go-to" method of minimising my anxiety and stress.
"If I eat real food, how much of a difference can it really make?".
This is what I used to think until I reversed my autoimmune skin condition, psoriasis, with this approach. And that's not to mention my productivity, energy and mental clarity soared.
It's difficult to describe this feeling in a way that's easy to relate to because so many of us are used to accepting feeling average, rather than experiencing what it's like to feel optimal.
For me, and a friend, good skin starts in the gut.
One of my friends recently tried this real-food approach as they had also some skin issues they wanted to resolve.
They've been following the real-food approach 95% - what's not changed (at least for the time being) is the amount of alcohol they are drinking.
So far, their skin looks younger, they reported less bloating, farts that don't smell, perfect poos (think: not needing to wipe), more energy, better sleep, and less belly fat.
What they thought they would miss out on, they're not even noticing because what they ARE eating is delicious.
Here’s the real-food approach, if you’re thinking it might be something you’d like to try.
Over to you!
What ways are you creating a mindset of abundance?
What helps you to overcome your stress and anxiety?
What helps you create optimal health?
I’d love to hear from you or - if you’re reading this on Substack - share in the comments below.
Sharing your insights is a way of giving back:
to me (as it helps me learn and improve what I share with you) and
to your fellow readers (there’s power in sharing your solutions with others).
ps If you’re an entrepreneur, a lawyer or another high-flying professional and want someone to help you connect your ideas in creative ways so you can build a healthy brain for a career that’s full of success and joy and feels effortless, get in touch and let’s have a conversation.
That’s it for this week!
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To your health and success!
Eric
