Leading with presence, not ego
E104: 3 ways to supercharge your team leadership
"How do you do that?" Caroline, a partner at a law firm, asked me when we went out for coffee recently.
She continued, "Where has your ego gone? It’s just not present.”
Caroline and I were talking about finding joy at work, how health supercharges performance, navigating office politics, and how our nervous systems can make work feel harder—or more effortless.
She was asking me for my advice and ideas.
When you're firing on all cylinders at work and home, it's no wonder there’s little mental space to think about whether your ego is getting in the way.
I wasn’t always like this. Early on in my legal career, I carried my ego like a shield — defending, proving, showing I had the answers.
But when leaders show up with their ego, it’s their teams who bear the brunt:
Micromanagement stifles creativity and initiative
Credit hoarding breeds resentment
Outbursts crush trust
Fortunately, I’ve experienced little of this in my career, but Caroline’s question got me reflecting:
How can we lead without ego?
Here are three ways to lead without ego by cultivating your presence and building trust in your teams.
1. Listen to understand, not to respond
Imagine asking a team member what happened with a client.
Have you then caught yourself formulating your response before they’ve even finished their sentence? It’s as if you didn’t need to ask the question because you already “knew” the answer.
Stephen Covey, the leadership expert best known for The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, once wrote:
"Most people listen with the intent to respond, as opposed to listening to understand."
When you listen to respond, you send a subtle message:
“I know better.”
But when you listen to understand, your ego steps aside. Conversations flow, your team members feel heard, and trust deepens.
2. Ask, “What do you think?”
During our coffee, Caroline asked me how I would handle office politics and stress.
It would have been easy for me to share my advice—haven’t we all experienced these challenges?
But instead, I asked her:
“What do you think?”
Her face lit up.
Even if you’re the expert, asking this simple question allows someone’s existing knowledge and wisdom to shine. It’s a powerful signal of trust. And after listening to their thoughts, you can offer insights where they’re needed most.
3. Offer advice only when it’s asked for
This is the hardest but most impactful.
It’s something I learned from Motivational Interviewing, a conversational style that helps people resolve ambivalence and create the change they want.
We all have a righting reflex — a tendency to jump in with answers or stories.
When someone shares their favourite seafood restaurant, we tell them where they should go instead.
When someone shares their challenges, we immediately proffer advice, unasked.
Here’s how to break the cycle:
ASK: “What do you already know about this?”
OFFER: “Would it be okay if I shared something that might help?”
ASK AGAIN: “What did you think about that?”
When advice is invited and heard, it’s far more impactful.
At the end of our conversation, Caroline shared what she had noticed when my ego had exited stage left:
“I felt heard, and my opinions felt valued.”
Presence is what makes leadership powerful.
Listening, asking, and offering advice thoughtfully create an environment where trust and clarity thrive — and egos quietly exit stage left.
ps If you're an entrepreneur, lawyer, or high-performing professional feeling the weight of leadership or struggling with navigating people challenges, let’s have a conversation about how you can lead with more presence and less ego.
👉 Over to you
What’s one practice that’s helped you create trust and presence in your leadership?
Or where do you feel ego might still get in the way?
That’s it for this week!
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To your health, joy, and success—one step at a time!
Eric
