Seriously, what do you really need right now?

E85: How to go from weary to equanimity

© Canyamel, Mallorca // photo Eric Ho

I noticed I was running around like a headless chicken this week, my feet not touching the ground.

My Wednesday looked like a jigsaw puzzle thrown into the air with the pieces landing randomly.

• Taking my dad to his weekly neurogym session. (I've got him up to 16 kg on a cable pull now, and 23 kg on an eccentric cable pull.). Strength is so important as we age. 

• I went out for a fab lunch with my cousin.

• I went back to my parents' home for a coaching mastermind call followed by a personal branding masterclass led by the wonderful team at the Catalyst Community - Ema Roloff and James Roloff. 

• Then I was back home to run a group coaching session for my mastermind group for the Beyond Connections programme. 

My days as a lawyer were probably more full of meetings. But as I was thinking about my Wednesday, I realised something was missing.

What do you need right now?

It would have been easy to say, 'I just need a break'. 

But sometimes it's more effective to get to the root cause – something more structural or foundational.

When I'm coaching clients, one distinction I often listen for is the difference between 'wants' and 'needs'.

• "I need some wine"

• "I need a holiday"

• "I need him to be quiet for a moment"

These are actually wants. They don't address the underlying need.

Often when we get what we want, it isn't satisfying or fulfilling or joyful.

Think about the promotion you worked hard for, but when you got it, you became overloaded with extra responsibility and pressure.

Maybe if, in addition to wanting your promotion, you matched it by figuring out how to satisfy your need for predictability (eg if you're now travelling a lot from home) or team support (eg when you're now an ExCo member and everyone feels like a competitor), your promotion would feel different.

In my case, I needed simplicity.

The way my appointments ended up this Wednesday made my day far from simple. And that led me to feeling a little bit weary as the day unfolded.

Now that I knew what I needed, it was easy for me to plan for simplicity to avoid feeling weary.

Strategies to meet our needs are usually really easy to solve for driven, high-achievers. My clients always have the answers.

For me, simplicity doesn't mean fewer meetings or more free time. It means not jumping from one location or one mode of thinking to another so it feels like I'm a metronome - each tick and tock adding to my cognitive load.

👉 Over to you!

At this moment, right now, what do you need?

You may find it helpful to take a look at this list of needs. I often share this with clients so they are focussing on needs, rather than wants.

ps If you’re an entrepreneur, a lawyer or another high-flying professional - who’s looking to connect with your wants AND needs to live and lead in a way that feels effortless, get in touch and let’s have a conversation.

That’s it for this week!

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To your health and success!

Eric