Success Beyond Winning Gold
E88: Pierre de Coubertin shows why ABBA got it wrong: the winner doesn’t take it all
F. U. C. K.
Moments before Matt Hudson-Smith mouthed this four-letter word beaming it onto the giant TV screens in the Stade de France stadium, the crowd was going wild.
If the Stade de France had a roof, the roars from the American and British spectators would have raised it up to the heavens.
The roars from the spectators turned to silence as the scoreboard confirmed he had lost by just a whisker to Quincy Hall from the USA.
0.04 seconds separated him from emulating Eric Liddell of Chariots of Fire fame by winning the Olympic gold in the 400m in Paris.
Coming second
Not coming first can feel like experiencing grief.
You can't believe it. You hope that the timers got it wrong. You might be angry at all the hard work you've put in over four years to come second. Angry enough to mouth those four letters: F. U. C. K.
But at some point, there's acceptance.
Everyone else around you adds their tuppence worth, compounding the emotional intensity of your loss.
You have to ‘settle’ for silver.
Or you hear empty platitudes, like:
‘You were so close to gold’, or
"The Olympics is about participating, not winning".
When the Olympic Games were held in Athens in 1896, there were only two medals awarded.
But it was Pierre de Coubertin for the Paris 1900 Olympics that entertained the idea of having medals to recognise the top three positions.
Recognising not just the winner, but also those who came second and third was a way - truly - to recognise that there is more to a race than being the winner.
Yet even in the world of work, losing can feel horrible.
You pitch a deal and lose. You don't get any revenue. Your job is on the line. You lose confidence to pitch and win next time around.
Or you go for a promotion, or for a new job, and you don't get it.
The winner doesn't take it all
It's difficult in the moment when you don't get the gold medal - or the promotion or the new job - to see what might be beyond the spoils of victory.
But ABBA got it wrong with the lyrics to "The Winner Takes It All".
It's lazy to think the winner takes it all.
It's easy to think we're a failure if we don't get gold
It's easy to think the time and effort we've invested is a waste
It's easy to fall into the trap of wallowing in the disappointment
Pierre de Coubertin realised this by marking 2nd and 3rd places with a silver and bronze medal.
For the golds that got away
So what happens if you don't get gold? What happens when you don't get the promotion, or the job, or the deal?
What do all of these GB athletes whose gold medals got away from them do?
Adam Peaty Swimming, 100m breaststroke: 0.02 seconds
Matthew Richards Swimming, 200m freestyle: 0.02 seconds
Ben Proud Swimming: 50m freestyle: 0.05 seconds
Women's coxless four: 0.18 seconds
Amber Rutter Skeet shooting: lost in a shoot-out
Tommy Fleetwood Golf: lost by one shot
Josh Kerr Athletics, 1,500m: 0.14 seconds
Matthew Hudson-Smith Athletics, 400m: 0.04 seconds
What’s left if you don’t have gold?
Belief in yourself
Hudson-Smith's story is one of bouncing back from the depths of scores of injuries, a gangrenous ulcer, the deaths of two beloved coaches and mental health issues.
At one point, he tried to take his own life.
He could have focused on “I can’t”, or start a doomloop of ‘What if?’s.
He could have believed the nay-sayers around him, telling him that he couldn't succeed.
But he chose to believe in himself.
What you've achieved
One of my clients finds it difficult to get started when a new project comes in. While they find it easy to complete tasks, the initial stages of coming up with new ideas can be challenging, often leading to procrastination.
That procrastination manifests as a constant tension in their body from their neck down.
So when I was coaching them on what might overcome this procrastination, they knew straight away: focusing on past achievements and past positive feedback they’ve received.
They didn’t get gold, but Kerr and Hudson-Smith ran the fastest times they have ever run and got European records.
When I'm having a hard time not believing in myself - and thinking "I can't" or "What if?" - I turn to my appreciation journal, and remind myself of what clients, colleagues, friends and family have said to me - how they appreciate what I do, and what I stand for. Take a look at my entries I shared in edition 70.
Silver or bronze doesn’t rob you of your achievements.
👉 Over to you!
How can you believe in yourself when the gold you wanted has got away?
Share what comes up in the comments below!
ps If you’re an entrepreneur, a lawyer or another high-flying professional - who’s looking to live and lead in a way that feels effortless, get in touch and let’s have a conversation.
That’s it for this week!
As always, I appreciate your feedback on Effortless Thursdays.
If Effortless Thursdays resonated with you, I'd be grateful if you told just one friend to subscribe. They and you can always unsubscribe using the link below.
What did you think of this week’s edition? How can I make it more useful to you? Let me know in the comments, by email, on X or on LinkedIn.
To your health and success!
Eric
...a client was telling me about a dinner they had with a successful 70+ year old billionaire...their mantra to success was never look back, what’s done is done, and the future or what you do next is the most important decision to focus on...i don’t wholesale agree with the ethos but found it inspiring to think that mindset is one of many possibilities...
Great article Eric. I certainly can relate.
I try to shift my perspective and look at what I achieved in the pursuit of the "ultimate" goal. Looking backwards in life, I've found that even those times that I didn't get what I wanted, life found a way to still make the experiences valuable.