There’s not enough joy in the world of work: here’s your chance to co-regulate it
E73: You are the necessary ingredient to mix joy with work
When a waiter comes over to your table and pours a generous glug of extra virgin olive oil into a small bowl, and drizzles some balsamic vinegar on top, have you noticed how the golden yellow and dark black don’t mix together?
It's not possible, no matter how much you prod or stir it with your spoon.
Even if you put these two ingredients in a jar and shake vigorously, those globules of oil remain separated from the vinegar.
It's like work and joy.
They don't seem to combine well either.
It's startling if you catch yourself realising that we spend a LOT of time working without joy.
When you arrive at work, joy seems to have stayed at home.
Why is so much of our work joyless?
We don’t show up authentically. We think we have to be more serious, talk differently, choose different words when we’re talking to people in power.
We feel the full meniality of work because it is untethered to a bigger anchor of purpose.
Or we think we can buy joy. We've been convinced to willingly sacrifice at work the very things that are important and nourish us outside of work, like joy: "If you pay me enough, I'll do it"
When was the last time someone spoke to you almost breathlessly about the joy they discovered today at work?
Perhaps above all, we believe joy and work are like olive oil and vinegar - they don't mix.
Co-regulating joy
Yet when one person shows up at work with joy, it becomes a beacon for others to be joyful, too.
When we're in the presence of someone, there's an emotional contagion that happens. Our neural circuitry regulates our emotions to be in tune with the environment and the people around us. It's a process called co-regulation.
We literally mirror someone else's emotional state.
Watch Judge Judy arguing with a defendant, you'll start to mirror that anger and anxiety.
Watch Lang Lang flow expressively and calmly with the music he’s creating, and you'll mirror that calm flow, too.
You see, water and oil do mix together. All you need is an emulsifier - a substance that helps two liquids mix.
Add a teaspoon of Dijon mustard to olive oil and balsamic vinegar, shake, and you’ll be rewarded with a luscious salad dressing - sans globules of oil.
Add egg yolk to oil, and you get a super healthy homemade mayonnaise.
ps this is my favourite mayonnaise recipe because it avoids those inflammation-inducing seed oils you’ll find in mayonnaise jars that line supermarket shelves
How to be an emulsifier at work
When you're hunched over your desk at work, and notice that the joy has fizzled out, you can be that emulsifier.
You can mix joy and work by focusing on joy.
Focus less on gossiping about the annoying person in finance who always sends what you need late.
Focus less on how the IT systems at your work are dysfunctional and stop you from working efficiently.
Focus, instead, on joy.
As Professor Peter Hawkins, Professor of Leadership at Henley Business School shares about so-called BMWs at work, we need to shift from:
“Blame Moan and Whine” to “Breathe Move and Wonder”
When you show up with joy, others will feel that joy too.
When you talk about what is joyful in your life or in your work, it’s a beacon for others to notice their own joy, too.
It doesn’t matter if you’re leading a team, or a member of one, this is a call to action to every one of us.
So if you’re wondering how to focus on joy when you might not be feeling joy yourself right now, I shared 9 suggestions for how to re-discover the joy in what you do at work in edition 60 of Effortless Thursdays. 👇
Want to escape the rat race? Don't, until you've tried this!
How many times have you thought of - or even tried - leaving the rat race only to find yourself still in it? Maybe it’s those endless whirring of words and thoughts and deadlines grinding away ceaselessly - once again - as soon as your brain fires up in the morning, and you r…
Be joyful!
👉 Over to you!
What one moment of joy can you bring into someone’s world this week?
ps If you’re an entrepreneur, a lawyer or another high-flying professional - who’s looking to re-discover the joy for what you do, get in touch and let’s have a conversation.
That’s it for this week!
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To your health and success!
Eric
Great post Eric! I DEFINITELY mirror a room’s energy by nature (where Ema is better at projecting it). So intentionally trying to bring positivity and joy into each situation is something I must do.
I love how you keep us all focused on the joy message Eric. I'm in the airport now headed for Boston where I get to (hopefully) help 500 financial planners to lighten up a bit! : )