One of the things I notice about high achievers (including myself) is that they ignore their achievements but they don't realise it leaves them feeling detached and miserable.
The thing is, it's hard to spot. Even to this day, I can have days when I'm in flow:
I'll experiment and incorporate new coaching techniques
I'll apply lessons from co-regulation in my day
I'll try a new protocol to resolve my psoriasis
I'll take my dad to his Neurogym and help him reach a record 18kg pull.
And yet, if I don’t slow down, and take a moment to look back, it’s easy for that flow to turn into a feeling of never-ending doing.
Do you accomplish a lot every day, like closing a deal that everyone thought was impossible? Or juggling like a pro everything at work and home?
Whether it's something big or small, these are all wins.
The problem with high achievers, though, is that these don't feel like wins.
Why?
Because we don't allow ourselves even a scintilla of time to savour, acknowledge and take stock.
There's never enough time for learning or discovering opportunities for growth.
We accelerate into more doing.
While you're great at calling out success in others because you know it's affirming and inspiring, there's little (or, more likely, zero) appreciation for your own success - whether large or small.
So instead of feeling joy and satisfaction from these successes and wins, we move on to the next thing to do. That leaves us feeling detached from our "Why?", and on a treadmill heading towards misery.
So if you struggle with this, here are three ideas.
1. Celebrate when others win
It's easier to celebrate other people than it is to celebrate ourselves. Sometimes we can feel "icky" or braggadocious if we blow our own trumpets.
Start easy by highlighting when the people around you have had success.
One framework you can use to help them feel less "icky" about you calling out their success is by being specific and SAVE-ing them👇
You might still notice them recoiling, but look out also for what else they might be feeling below the surface, like:
Joy
Feeling seen
Appreciated
When celebrating others when they win becomes second nature to you, it becomes easier to celebrate your own wins.
2. Notch down your wins
Keep note of when you've experienced a win.
It doesn't have to be big. Sometimes the smallest things are most meaningful, because often they are, ironically, the hardest to accomplish. How often have you wanted to start the day with a 2-minute mindfulness practice, but it’s now Friday and you’ve notched up zero minutes of practice this week?
One suggestion that I've found helpful is to keep an appreciation journal. Here are some of my latest entries.
My appreciation journal is what I open up when I'm feeling unaccomplished, stuck in my goals or feeling unproductive.
Think about the wins you've had in the past couple of days - big and small. Jot them down and come back to them a few days later.
If you try this, or have an appreciation journal already, let me know what you notice!
3. It's not bragging; it's a gift
One of my clients is moving into the next stage of his career.
But he was stuck. He couldn't spell out what value he could bring to his next role.
He’s won many awards for the work his teams have done in the creative industry. The teams he leads absolutely love him because he creates the time and space for each voice to be heard.
Most of all, his genius is for telling stories that spark people's hearts.
The problem wasn't a poor track record, or employees in his team quitting because he was a bad boss or any meaningful failures.
The problem was he couldn't talk about his wins without feeling boastful or bragging.
In reality, if we have gifts like this leader, it's a travesty not to offer these gifts.
It's like a conductor leading an orchestra through rendition after rendition of Mahler's 2nd Symphony without an audience.
Or an art collector with priceless Picassos but the doors are closed to the public.
Your braggadocious wins will be a valuable gift in the eyes of someone else.
If you're still feeling "icky" or braggadocious talking about your gifts, you could try calming down your amygdala response with this simple "Name, Tame, Reframe" exercise.
I wrote that originally to help myself and my colleagues deal with the reactivity towards people who press our buttons. But I think it'll work wonders if you're feeling too braggadocious about sharing your valuable gifts with others.
👉 Over to you!
Whose win are you inspired to celebrate?
What wins have you notched up? What wins can you look back on when you're not in "winning mode"?
What might be shifting in how you see your value, your contribution, and your gifts?
ps If you’re an entrepreneur, a lawyer or another high-flying professional - who’s looking to create space to celebrate what you bring, get in touch and let’s have a conversation.
That’s it for this week!
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To your health and success!
Eric