Why you’re stuck (and stay stuck)
E71: The change you desire is impossible without creating space.
It was only when I turned 35 that I really understood what optimal health felt like.
I was able to wake up consistently with energy, think clearly and feel an embodied sense of equanimity.
If these sound like a nice assortment of words on a page, but you find it difficult to relate to, I get it.
It’s difficult to convey that feeling of aliveness in mere words - it's something visceral, to be experienced in the body.
I could describe to you what it’s like when I tuck into a juicy, ribeye steak, how it melts in my mouth, what the texture is like, and yet ….
It wasn’t that I didn’t experience optimal health before I was 35. Ever since I started eating real food, I got a taste of that aliveness, but it wasn’t consistent.
I’d get stuck in a cycle of feeling great for a while, and then that aliveness would slowly dial down. I’d sit at my desk and it would be harder to think as clearly or easily. I’d pick up the cold or cough that was going around in the office. My energy would tank in the afternoon, which was usually when I needed to concentrate most on drafting an agreement or joining a call.
I wanted to experience that aliveness every day, but I kept getting into the cycle of dialling down my health.
My clients feel it too. They have a goal, but they get stuck, especially when the pressure and stakes are high.
They want a promotion but aren’t sure if they’ve got what it takes
They can’t see the value they bring to an organisation, despite all the feedback telling them otherwise
They keep losing their shit with a difficult colleague - haven’t we all been there?
They cycle in and out of optimal health but really want consistency
There are plenty of reasons why we don’t achieve what we desire, but the overriding one that unlocks the change we desire is space.
Creating space
Creating space is easier said than done, especially when we’re under time pressure.
Our smart brains will conjure up plenty of excuses to justify behaviour that contradicts our goals, like the false choice of saying “I'm so busy I don't have time to eat well”.
But space is more than just creating time in our busy days.
What my clients mean when they say they value the space they have in coaching with me is that they can allow their emotions to be expressed without any fixing or judgment.
For it is when we allow ourselves to get messy with our emotions - tuning into them, exploring them, understanding them - that we unlock our wisdom to change.
Describing space is a bit like my juicy steak. It has to be experienced. So perhaps I can describe best what space is by what it allows for:
Slowing down
A nervous system that’s regulated and not triggered
Focusing on what’s possible rather than “I can’t”
Exploring rather than grasping
Being curious rather than right
Bringing our three brains to decision-making: head, heart and gut
How can you create space?
There are many ways you could create space
Perhaps going outdoors?
Maybe speaking to a friend or a family member?
Reaching out to someone on your personal board of directors?
It could be having a conversation with a coach.
And, to show up in that space with a well-regulated nervous system and a brain that functions well, here’s a reminder of how to eat real food so that your mood isn’t hijacked with hyperpalatable, nutrient-poor products, and the things you can do with a “Health First, Brain Last” approach to keep your brain in a tip-top mode for thinking, sensing and deciding.
👉 Over to you!
What environments exist for you, or that you could create, that would allow you to create space for yourself?
ps If you’re an entrepreneur, a lawyer or another high-flying professional - who’s looking to create space to celebrate what you bring, get in touch and let’s have a conversation.
That’s it for this week!
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To your health and success!
Eric
Hey Eric, have you ever read In the Cairngorms by Nan Shepherd? A small gem of spiritual nature poetry that you might appreciate, given the photo in this week’s edition :)
The weather has finally warmed up here (70's and sunny). Cycling, running, and hiking outdoors is a huge mindset booster for me. This makes getting "unstuck" so much easier.
But even in the dead of winter, forcing some active time outdoors is the best way for me to personally move brain/body through something I'm struggling with.