I have a real question about this because I actually take great pleasure and find enormous happiness in the process of trying to create things I don’t yet have, like future friendships, a thriving community that I host, extraordinary conversations that are yet to come, wealth to fund creative experiments, new forms of learning and risk I haven’t discovered yet, and alternatives to expensive phone plans to name a few. How does that fit with happiness definition of wanting what you have?
The way I think about your question is along the following lines.
First, happiness is subjective. So what makes someone else happy, won't also make you happy.
Second, you've found a formula for creating your happiness: leaning into, and living, your purpose. I see you come alive when you bring people together, guide them to be better public speakers and better human beings, and create community and a deep sense of belonging.
And it appears to me that combination also gives you meaning in your life.
Dr Michael Steger who's the world's leader on meaning, and its three subcomponents - coherence, purpose, and significance - spoke about purpose as an anchor you throw into your future. It guides you towards a life that's worthy, it activates and applies the best in you, allows you to focus on what matters most - even if you don't ultimately achieve the goals you set yourself.
Third, the idea of happiness being "wanting what you have" speaks to me as a guiding principle that we should worry less about what we don't have and pay attention more to what we have already.
If we couldn't have a list of what we want - goals, ambitions, desires - life would be rather dreary! But wanting - as Lorraine mentions - without a plan or resources to fulfil those wants is a recipe for highlighting what we lack in our lives, what's missing, what we could have. If we think we'll be happy by having what we want, we might be in for a rude surprise - especially if those wants aren't aligned with our purpose, or give us meaning, or are not significant.
Fourth, Arthur Brooks mentioned that satisfaction comes after we struggle. In other words, we need to suffer to be satisfied. If we study hard for our exams and get an A, it feels more satisfying that cheating and getting an A. Maybe there's something in the creative process you're going through that's giving you an abundance of satisfaction, meaning, and enjoyment - the ingredients that Arthur mentions combine to form a state of happiness.
This is a very helpful response Eric. Thank you for its detail. The idea of throwing an anchor into the future is especially vivid and resonant for me. That's exactly what it feels like to me and helps me understand the way that a future orientation can bridge to support present happiness. : )
In my opinion, the “wanting to have list” is something you know you can control and acquire as opposed to “wanting- a desire state, without any plan or resources”. If resources that are at hand support the needs, it would make sense your bucket list can expand. If resources are limited, then”make the best of what you have” creates happiness, through gratitude.
I agree with most points here and it is helpful to understand the science that supports being happy. It really is subjective. How we show does depend on what we do for our happy state first, then it can ripple to others. Thanks for sharing the points you took away from WOHASU.
I have a real question about this because I actually take great pleasure and find enormous happiness in the process of trying to create things I don’t yet have, like future friendships, a thriving community that I host, extraordinary conversations that are yet to come, wealth to fund creative experiments, new forms of learning and risk I haven’t discovered yet, and alternatives to expensive phone plans to name a few. How does that fit with happiness definition of wanting what you have?
I love this question.
The way I think about your question is along the following lines.
First, happiness is subjective. So what makes someone else happy, won't also make you happy.
Second, you've found a formula for creating your happiness: leaning into, and living, your purpose. I see you come alive when you bring people together, guide them to be better public speakers and better human beings, and create community and a deep sense of belonging.
And it appears to me that combination also gives you meaning in your life.
Dr Michael Steger who's the world's leader on meaning, and its three subcomponents - coherence, purpose, and significance - spoke about purpose as an anchor you throw into your future. It guides you towards a life that's worthy, it activates and applies the best in you, allows you to focus on what matters most - even if you don't ultimately achieve the goals you set yourself.
Third, the idea of happiness being "wanting what you have" speaks to me as a guiding principle that we should worry less about what we don't have and pay attention more to what we have already.
If we couldn't have a list of what we want - goals, ambitions, desires - life would be rather dreary! But wanting - as Lorraine mentions - without a plan or resources to fulfil those wants is a recipe for highlighting what we lack in our lives, what's missing, what we could have. If we think we'll be happy by having what we want, we might be in for a rude surprise - especially if those wants aren't aligned with our purpose, or give us meaning, or are not significant.
Fourth, Arthur Brooks mentioned that satisfaction comes after we struggle. In other words, we need to suffer to be satisfied. If we study hard for our exams and get an A, it feels more satisfying that cheating and getting an A. Maybe there's something in the creative process you're going through that's giving you an abundance of satisfaction, meaning, and enjoyment - the ingredients that Arthur mentions combine to form a state of happiness.
This is a very helpful response Eric. Thank you for its detail. The idea of throwing an anchor into the future is especially vivid and resonant for me. That's exactly what it feels like to me and helps me understand the way that a future orientation can bridge to support present happiness. : )
In my opinion, the “wanting to have list” is something you know you can control and acquire as opposed to “wanting- a desire state, without any plan or resources”. If resources that are at hand support the needs, it would make sense your bucket list can expand. If resources are limited, then”make the best of what you have” creates happiness, through gratitude.
I agree with most points here and it is helpful to understand the science that supports being happy. It really is subjective. How we show does depend on what we do for our happy state first, then it can ripple to others. Thanks for sharing the points you took away from WOHASU.
Cheers Lorraine!
I like the reminder that happiness is subjective, and the idea of 'my happiness first"
I'd love to hear about the points you don't agree with. Perhaps during one of our upcoming coaching group catch ups?
We must try to reconnect with our coach peers on Zoom. I would love to share ideas with you, because I enjoyed our meet up in London.