Perfectionism: the joy destroyer
E79: One simple way you can be a little less perfect so that joy comes back to what you do
It was the exhaustion that gave it away.
Lines and shadows etched on his face like a zoomed-out Excel spreadsheet.
It's the kind of exhaustion that's like an inertia deep down inside of you. Everything becomes slower when you want it to be faster.
The big presentation
One day, he received an email from a potential client, eager to learn more about his company's offerings. This was a golden opportunity, a chance to secure a star client.
But, after the 'bing' of the email landing in his inbox, the split second of effervescent excitement gave way quickly to a silent groan.
He and his team prepared a presentation to give on the big day, which kept them up working into the wee hours.
This meeting was a big deal. His reputation was on the line. How could he demonstrate his expertise?
And so they were preparing, researching, getting things just right: content, font sizes, numbers, colours, columns, lines that were two pixels off centre.
Eventually, their potential client got a ‘bing’ resonating in their inbox. The team had sent out the presentation the night before the meeting.
Now, here he was on presentation day, anxious the presentation wouldn't go well.
Fingers and toes double-crossed hoping the new client would say "Yes, that was great!".
But exhaustion itself was written on his face.
And joy was nowhere to be seen.
The Joy Destroyer
Perfectionism can grip us in many ways. If you’re a perfectionist, like me, you’ll feel this not just intellectually, but in your body, too.
It's like opening a bag of crisps. Once you start, you can't stop.
We give it our all.
We have to get 100% or be at the top of the class.
We need to hear a teacher or client who says "Well done!" to us.
Second place is simply failure.
But the thing about opening a bag of crisps is that, even though you feel slightly sick after eating them, there’s an invisible force field that urges you to tuck into another bag.
It’s not that we don’t know the downsides.
We're smart enough to know the cost is high. Late nights, sleepless ones, worry, churning stomachs.
Perhaps it’s the look on your loved one’s face that hurts the most though when it has “another evening meal we’re missing together?” scrawled all over it.
Perfectionism destroys joy.
It’s not just in the late nights when we’re giving it our all. But also when we look back over a 20-, or 30-, or 40-year career and wonder “Was it all worth it?”. But it’s tough because when our perfectionism pays off with a new client, or a “Well done!”, trying a different approach feels risky, even when we know the costs.
But in the moment when you’re giving it your all, the focus is on the 10/10 or hearing the “Well done!”, you’re consumed, hand deep into another bag of crisps.
Joy can overcome perfectionism
So how can we overcome - even by a little bit - our desire for another bag of perfection-flavoured crisps?
In this edition of Effortless Thursdays, I want to share with you one idea to try.
Press the “Permission to bring back Joy” button
In Effortless Thursdays edition 41 , I shared how there’s a button on your remote control that’s different from all the others. 👇
You might sit down on your sofa and press the same channel over and over again. But you could choose to press the “Permission” button, instead, and see what happens.
Perfectionism doesn’t need to destroy joy. As one of my clients, who’s a CEO of a thriving consultancy business, observed:
“The more I fill my cup with joy, the less room there is for perfection to monopolise”
How to press the “Permission to bring back Joy” button
At the end of edition 41 I suggested taking a real-life remote control, and - however strange it might feel - identify one of the buttons on your remote control as the “Permission” button and press it.
When you press it, you might give yourself permission to bring back joy by:
reminding yourself of what you’re great at: it’s time to turn to your appreciation journal, and pick out some moments to remind yourself that you have all the skill and ability to secure this client. “If I don’t give it my all” is merely an idea. What if that idea weren’t true? Might it be possible that toning down your effort wouldn’t lead to failure?
looking at the flowers on the path, not just the summit: it’s tempting to go all out on a goal, like securing a client. What if you gave yourself permission to enjoy the moments along the way? Like, SAVE-ing someone in your team.
Or noticing how you are modulating the use of your strengths, especially ones where you might be flooring the accelerator pedal.
exploring your emotions (like fear, anxiety, worry, nervousness): Sit with them, and ask “If this emotion had a voice, what would it be saying to me?”. You might be surprised at the answers.
following your purpose: Come back to your North Star. How can you align your desire now to give it your all with your purpose? Your purpose is your motivation, not someone else’s. Rather than waiting for someone else to say “Well done!”, how can your purpose help you instead?
re-aligning to your values: One of my core values - the rules by which we live our lives - is “health above all else”. Ask yourself:
“How can I align my current behaviours, like reading 100 articles to be ready for the client, to be more in line with my values?”
👉 Over to you!
If you were to press the “Permission to bring back Joy” button on your remote (yes, do pick it up and press that button!), what might be possible for you?
What small step can you take today to bring more joy into your work?
How can you balance striving for excellence with enjoying the journey?
Can you identify one perfectionist habit you’re willing to let go of to make space for joy?
Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments!
ps If you’re an entrepreneur, a lawyer or another high-flying professional - who’s looking to connect with your optimal health and walk with courage into work and life in a way that feels effortless, get in touch and let’s have a conversation.
That’s it for this week!
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To your health and success!
Eric
This is my new definition of perfectionism for ever more!
Perfectionism = "hand deep in another bag of chips."
This is nothing other than inspired storytelling!
Man does this ring true. The filling "fill my cup with joy, the less room there is for perfection to monopolise" is a good framing.
The more I can focus on doing what I feel most aligned with and enjoy, the better I feel AND the better I perform. This is was a nice reminder to reflect on that.